this'll probably bother me *FOREVER*.

alright.. i'm getting frustrated with certain cousins inability to have the desire to see what I am saying and my goals. she posts on facebook some bullshit trying to excuse how i'm being controlled by my mom (because she's a whiny bum who seems to think if she whines to people about me being aware of my rights and feelings about the shit my mom has put me through in my life they'll do something to make me shut up about the shit she has put me through). the bullshit included something about missing how families don't just get together and have supper with each other, helping each other out- do you think it could POSSIBLY be because everyone in the family is too busy with their OWN families?! *GASP* i don't even have my own family yet to be aware of that reality. stop trying to camouflage your intentions for your bum aunt to put a damn leash on me. do you remember the COUNTLESS hours of studying and rehabilitation i went through in order to not rely on a wheelchair and to live INDEPENDENTLY?! MY MOM DIDN'T HELP ME AT ALL WITH MY EDUCATION. GRANDMA WAS THE ONE WHO TAUGHT ME HOW TO READ WITH HOOKED ON PHONICS WHEN I WAS IN KINDERGARDEN AFTER EVERYONE TRIED TO TELL HER THAT I WAS ILLITERATE JUST LIKE MY DAMN MOM. so people were already trying to limit my capabilities since i was younger because of MY MOM. she DID assist me in practicing walking when i depended on a wheelchair because MY GRANDMA USED TO HAVE TO BLACKMAIL HER IN ORDER TO TAKE CARE OF HER OWN FUCKING DAUGHTER. i even remember hearing my mom whine to my grandma on the weekends i went to my mom's place for the weekend (so i could basically see MY GRANDMA since my mom obviously doesn't give a shit about me). my grandma finally came into town and stayed with me while my mom's selfish ass went to the bar for a few hours to play pool with her boyfriend carlos. DON'T ever try to tell me my mom went through so much for me- IT'S HER RESPONSIBILITY AS A CARING PARENT. she's inspired me NOT to reproduce myself! i don't wanna pass down my generational trauma to another human being. i obviously have more RESPECT than my mom. she passed down generational trauma to me. i think she got the trauma because she was bullied as a kid, so naturally, she tries to make herself a victim in ALL situations- whether she actually is or not. she enjoys the attention. i know that my sister and her get entertainment from reading my blog. i don't understand why. in hopes that i'll actually say something GOOD about them and my experiences with them?! someone is in DENIAL. i'm trying to actually do SOMETHING with my life and jealous fucks don't like that. misery loves company. WHY CAN'T I BE MORE SATISFIED FORGETTING EVERYTHING I'VE MANAGED TO DO FOR MYSELF TO BE SUCCESSFUL?! I SHOULD BE HAPPY DEPENDING ON LIVING ON A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF MONEY I RECEIVE FROM THE STATE ALONG WITH EBT! FUCK ALL THE GOOD GRADES I RECEIVED IN SCHOOL AND HOW I WAS EVEN SUPPOSED TO GO TO COLLEGE FOR HALF A DAY AND HIGH SCHOOL HALF A DAY BECAUSE I PASSED THE TESTS AND MY GRADES WERE GOOD ENOUGH! RIGHT AMANDA?! RIGHT MOM?! WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE MY MOM AND UNEMPLOYED, NOT LOOKING FOR WORK, AND SMOKING CIGARETTE AFTER CIGARETTE (ALTHOUGH AMY CLAIMS SHE QUIT BUT JAY SAYS ALL SHE DOES IS DRINK POP AND SMOKE CIGARETTES AND JAY IS MORE HONEST, HE NEVER PUSHED HIS OWN GRANDMA ON HER ASS AND BRAGGED ABOUT IT WITH HIS BOYFRIEND LIKE AMY DID). FOR AN IDIOT WITH A TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY I SURE REMEMBER A LOT, RIGHT AMANDA?! FORGET MY GRADES AND WORK HISTORY! I BELONG ON SOCIAL SECURITY WHILE THE FAT ASS THAT YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND SUPPORT RIPS AWAY ALL MY INCOME AND BENEFITS AWAY!! MAKKKE AMERIKKKA GRATE AGAIN! I'M TOO STUPID AND DISABLED TO CONTRIBUTE TO SOCIETY! WHO THE HELL DO I THINK I AM?! I'M TRACY'S DAUGHTER! I SHOULD NEVER FORGET WHERE I CAME FROM- ESPECIALLY IF THAT MEANS ACTUALLY WORKING A JOB AND LIVING SOMEWHERE WHERE MY MOM COULDN'T SEE ME BECAUSE IT'D TAKE TOO MUCH WORK AND EFFORT FOR HER TO DO IT! WHY CAN'T I BE A LOSER LIVING BY MY MOMMY AND BEING UNEMPLOYED?! RIGHT JESSIY AND AMANDA?! that's EXACTLY the sorry excuse of "support" i get from you. your egos are just threatened because i came from basically the same place and i'm actually doing different things which you view as inconvenient or different than what you're used to. i got NEWS for you guys.. THIS is MY life and I deal with the consequences of my choices- YOU DON'T. if you can't be supportive of MY GOALS for MY life- MIND YOUR BUSINESS and amanda- tell my financial workers and care team you aren't up for the job. it's obviously too damn inconvenient for you to care about when something bad happens to me and the emergency room calls you. i could be dead or severly injured.. doesn't bother you as long as it inconveniences you because I GOT THIS!